Acknowledging people

For the past few days, I have been busy with my thesis work and am getting ready to graduate. While writing up what all I have done is tough, the part where you have to acknowledge the people around you is not easy either. In short, I don't know who all to thank. No, I am not saying there is nobody to thank. Just that, there seem to be too many people who have helped me in this roller coaster ride. I can't name all the people in my thesis. Many of them might not even know they inspired me or were a source of strength or confidence to me. Getting one's name written in somebody's thesis might not be a big deal, after all, who is competing for an award here. But for me, I feel, that the person has thought about you, however angry they may be with you or however annoying or irritating they find you. Isn't it a form of saying thank-you, I appreciate your just being there? I might be wrong here, but somehow that's how I feel. There are many more people who were there in the whole process but I can't name everybody. This thank-you goes out to all the people who were there with me in thoughts if not in actions.

Another interesting thing I noticed..does everyone miss something/someone only after they don't have it/them or is it only me? I tend to miss people more when they are not around. I keep thinking, it would have been good to have them here. Sometimes its the situations I miss. Those times were good, I feel. Incidentally, I am listening to a song sung by "Jewel". The song goes something like this..."I am leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again..". I am a sentimental fool and I tend to cry when people leave me or I see someone off. I have grown up now so that I control myself in front of others. But when I am alone, I feel sad. Hmm..time to grow up!! But again, I never listen to my advice.

I got in touch with a few of my old friends from school recently. It felt good talking to them and I was reminded of days gone by and how I missed talking to some people. Since, I started this post with acknowledgments, rambled off to my inane thoughts let me finish this post by saying, I will remain a sentimental fool all my life. Someone will feel good someday that I thought about them.

Power plays

Everybody is questioned by someone at least once in their life. All of us learnt to take it in our stride though not many of us like it. In a workplace, the questioning tone, however mild it might be always leads to some uncomfortable moments. I am reminded of an incident when I had initially started working. There was a huge gap in the required off-site materials requirement and the on-site one in a construction project. Since I had calculated the off-site requirement, I was questioned so many times during the course of the work. Now, I am not saying I am perfect in whatever I do. But, at that time I was just a fresher starting up. There were levels of people above me. But at the time of questioning, I somehow got caught in quagmire. It was not a very pleasant experience, to put it lightly. A little bit of transparency would have helped. I never got to know the end result of the entire process as I quit the job. Many would think this as an escapist tendency. But I view it differently. If I work in a place where a number of people are involved, I am answerable to my superiors. But the incessant questioning as though I have committed a crime will never elicit a response from me. The actual culprit of the whole situation needs to be found other than killing the most available goat nearby.

I was thinking of this phase of my life as I seem to have come to a somewhat similar situation once again. I am the very end of my research work now and I have presented my work at a major conference also. But as responses start to pour in. I am being asked why there is a difference in results between one method and the next. Now, I am prepared to answer these questions, but I somehow feel very annoyed and most of all, I feel I don’t have it in me to answer questions. Criticisms, the constructive ones, I am willing to take. But why is it that, everybody doubts something different? Does something different suggest it is wrong? At one point, I felt, I will accept that what I did is wrong, and then all this would get over. But it doesn’t work this way, I guess. This is not the right attitude, I am told. Unfortunately, I too know that. But somehow, it is like being trapped in the eyepiece of a hunter’s gun. I know the shot is coming, but why not make it less painful. Once, I am in a position of power, maybe I too will become like this. But I sincerely hope, I do not ….