Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Passing days

Finally, I defended and most importantly passed. But somehow, I don't feel ecstatic as I once thought I will be. I don't even feel I have achieved something. If I look at the big picture, I actually have achieved nothing, but I am not getting into that. Everyone around me seems to be more happier about my passing than I am. Is something wrong with me? Why don't I feel good about the whole thing? I feel all the more stupid, ignorant and more importantly as though I don't deserve all this. But that's just me..

On another note, a couple of days before this circus show of defense, I was getting very nervous and wanted to talk to my parents. My parents back home weren't exactly at home and were away. They assured me before they made the trip that they will keep in touch by taking the mobile phone with them AND that they have paid for the roaming charges. I kept calling them on their cell phones and just got an automated message saying their cellphone was switched off. Me in my usual self got all paranoid about what had happened to them. But, as someone once rightly told me, what can I do from afar. I called them on the landline on their day of arrival back home, all anxious about what was wrong with them. My parents very apologetically told me that they had made all arrangements to receive my call but they forgot the ultimate- the cell phone charger. Now what can one say to this..I sometimes think, what will I do when I reach my parents' age. My parents were not born in the computer age. They seem to be scared of all this technology. What will my fear be when I reach their age? Will I be able to overcome my fears so that no harm should befall my children as in the case of my parents? Will I be able to guide someone even though I feel infinitely stupid most of the times? Points to ponder, at least from my side, I think...

7 comments:

Sathej said...

Hello,
Agree with you, Neethi.There are certain things we have no control over.Only time will tell. As for what one would do in the place of others,it is always nice to ponder about!
And by the way,congrats on defending your thesis(I presume for a PhD).
Sathej

Stallion said...

Well....strangely...I had the same feeling when i finished my thesis defense!

Anonymous said...

hmmmm ... i think the feeling of being non-ecstatic is commonplace.. i think after the whole drama, it just comes more as a relief than anything else. just try to enjoy the time u have now...

about u being able to guide the young ones when you are a parent, i think you will do just fine, like most of our parents do... after all you have lots of time to learn.... and about fear... as i have said before... the biggest fear is fear itself...

Neethi said...

@Sathej
Thanks!!But defense is just for a Master's at present

@stallion
I guess everyone tends to feel the same..Maybe someone should take that up as a next research topic..

@anshul
Since you have more experience than me in this, I do try to go by your word. :)

A.S.Nandagopalan said...

"Will I be able to overcome my fears so that no harm should befall my children as in the case of my parents?"

Interesting, may I know what harm has befallen your parents' children as a result of your parents forgetting to take the ultimate :) - the cell phone charger? Paranoia perhaps??

Relief..as somebody pointed out, an end to an ordeal (an ordeal for not just me) is the way I looked at it when I got done. End of ordeals do make me mentally happy even if they do not make me exhibit the same. Of course, I wasn't getting sucked in for a PhD even by mistake, one more thing which was not for me. Not too many things are anyway.

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

congrats!
yeah, it is kinda anti-climatic at the end, slowly, am sure your achievement will sink in. It is an accomplishment, so congrats again!

Neethi said...

@nandagopalan
I think I meant will I be like my parents allowing no harm to fall on their children and not the other way round as you misinterpreted.There is relief of course after the ordeal. But somehow, I feel there is something missing..You feel many things are not for you..you may be wrong there, but again I don't want an argument with you on that :)

@ the girl from ipanema
Thanks! I do hope the feeling sinks in soon...