Coffee table discussions
I have been discussing a lot of issues with my friends for some time now. I have been told by many people that girls and guys think differently on the same issues. One of my friends tries to make this point when we get-together but due to fear of being assaulted by the girl force just keeps quiet. But all this is just for fun and the issue I was thinking about was how two different kinds of the same species have a different thought process. More importantly, how do the same types of species have some characteristics in common?
I was being constantly advised by my friends to understand certain characteristics of the other side. The main point being made is "go out for a cup of coffee", "learn how the other half thinks". But is our culture so, that a cup of coffee be not viewed with suspicious eyes? One might say, why bother about prying eyes and blabber mouths. Now, I have very little interaction with people in general and guys in particular. I do not really understand how an innocent cup of coffee from my side will be viewed by the person. What if the guy feels something which is not there? Do guys feel the same about girls too? Do they feel confused and scared too? Do they worry about society in general?
Relationships, give them any name, are so brittle. A wrong word or action or even a perception of wrong can break the thin thread which binds it. My friends advise me otherwise saying people are more understanding. But is that a chance one would wish to take? Why should one spoil a rollicking relationship for a cup of coffee?
We are so used to go out in groups that going out alone with someone somehow doesn't sound right for us. Also, somehow a place where one is all alone seems the right place to try something new. I had recently gone for a trip. An acquaintance of my friend met me there. We had a great time with no strings attached. Both of us spoke what we wanted to, went where we wanted to, together. I am not saying we have become the best of friends but the trip became more memorable to me because of a few hours spent in good company. Now, this is new for me..being in somebody's company for hours alone. I am not a great talker. I prefer to be listening to people and yes, I do like to express my opinions. But that is the extent of my talking. My time out was a good experience for me. This was a good first step for me to come out of that group ism mold.
The whole post is an experience for me. I am always embarrassed to admit many things in my life. I don't really express many things very clearly- being friendly and nice to people are few of those problems. When I have made friends, I don't want to say or do something which will be perceived differently. I have had quite a few arguments with my friends over this concept of mine..but if I have to change, it will take me time. I need all the support I get for me to change.
I was being constantly advised by my friends to understand certain characteristics of the other side. The main point being made is "go out for a cup of coffee", "learn how the other half thinks". But is our culture so, that a cup of coffee be not viewed with suspicious eyes? One might say, why bother about prying eyes and blabber mouths. Now, I have very little interaction with people in general and guys in particular. I do not really understand how an innocent cup of coffee from my side will be viewed by the person. What if the guy feels something which is not there? Do guys feel the same about girls too? Do they feel confused and scared too? Do they worry about society in general?
Relationships, give them any name, are so brittle. A wrong word or action or even a perception of wrong can break the thin thread which binds it. My friends advise me otherwise saying people are more understanding. But is that a chance one would wish to take? Why should one spoil a rollicking relationship for a cup of coffee?
We are so used to go out in groups that going out alone with someone somehow doesn't sound right for us. Also, somehow a place where one is all alone seems the right place to try something new. I had recently gone for a trip. An acquaintance of my friend met me there. We had a great time with no strings attached. Both of us spoke what we wanted to, went where we wanted to, together. I am not saying we have become the best of friends but the trip became more memorable to me because of a few hours spent in good company. Now, this is new for me..being in somebody's company for hours alone. I am not a great talker. I prefer to be listening to people and yes, I do like to express my opinions. But that is the extent of my talking. My time out was a good experience for me. This was a good first step for me to come out of that group ism mold.
The whole post is an experience for me. I am always embarrassed to admit many things in my life. I don't really express many things very clearly- being friendly and nice to people are few of those problems. When I have made friends, I don't want to say or do something which will be perceived differently. I have had quite a few arguments with my friends over this concept of mine..but if I have to change, it will take me time. I need all the support I get for me to change.
1 comment:
Interesting post. From one point of view I can understand where your reservations come from; especially the point of view of suspicious eyes and perceptions. I would not have gone for that cup of coffee had I been at home. I don't form close friendships either but by some strange coincidence most of those I am close to tend to be guys (with a few exceptions) but in a new environment where every one is a new aquaintence I find I have more in common to say with a guy than a girl. So perhaps it isn't always so that guys and girls think differently. Even in some very steriotypical things I find that surprisingly that guys have a similar view sometimes. Often I think that some people have certain views not because they beleive in it but because society dictates that thats the proper view for that gender to have. I often go out in groups which sadly contain 2 girls and more than 4 guys and we often do get to have pow-wows about issues (I think most restaurants around town are tired of hearing our issues).
Coming to your issue of perceived intentions I think often if a relationship (between any 2 people of any sex) is important enough misunderstandings can be ironed out - if it wasn't then it doesn't matter anyway. (which is the way I go about it).I think that cup of coffee gives us a chance to share something with another person that isn't already public knowledge - ie share things or have a conversation that we aren't comfortable telling an entire group. It gives people a chance to make friends special rather than just a member of a group.
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